Every mother hopes for the best with regards to their child’s father, their relationship, the relationship they have with the other family members on their father’s side, and should it be the case, the new woman in their lives that would be there to “fill-in” when the children are with him.
In the case with my daughters and I, they got dealt a really crappy hand, so luck would have it. Their father had been cheating since before they were born, and had maintained it through out the marriage and separation time period. He self-admitted to the “for sure” 5 I had caught him with. YES, I know, I was stupid for not ending things way before they had an opportunity to get as big and far as it did. In my own defense, I was being played by a very smooth narcissist who made sure I was so hooked that I would never leave. All facts that I would not confirm true for several years.
The “replacement” mother to be to my children, aka Drill Sgt, has not shown good intentions as of yet. She has only been in my children’s life since January, and almost immediately, she has taken o removing any and all things that relate to me in y girls life.
She started very subtle, pretending to be my ex and sending a text message eliminating our system of calls to that point. We actually count the minutes, not the actual times we talked. She made sure to put a stop to that! Trying to be “professional” or “lawyer-like” claiming from that point, whether we talked 10 or the whole 30 minutes, it would count as a complete 30 minute call.
True to her word, she made sure that we only would have exactly what my parenting plan stipulates, and not one syllable more. To show her strength with the ex, she decided to show me just how much I was a nobody in her book where anyone was considered, but especially her.
She has taken on the role of “better Mother”, or so thinks. To her, I am a “waste of space” and a “C#@t” (sorry for that, but I try to remain as honest as possible, even if its negative. The poor girl does not realize just exactly what is in store for her. She jumps in on my conversations with my daughter to reign down discipline on my oldest K and myself, or she has nominated herself the time cop, telling the 40 year old how much time she has left on a precious call to her tiny-butt. C has only been there 4 months, and already she knows everything about my kids, and how to properly raise and discipline them. Being told by everyone over there that I was addicted to drugs and chose that life over my children. That I was worthless because I did not work, and I am the worlds largest liar.
I even started off being really nice to her even though I got a really bad vibe from her. The sneaky, deceptive type vibe that only trifling people put off. Then, I started getting the feeling I was being listened to on my calls from K, and whispering next to the phone prodding her to ask me grown up questions that were intended to cause problems between me and K. However, the Ex’s mom slipped up and mentioned me calling her a name while I was talking to K one day. (Its sad that a 60 year old woman resorts to illegally recordings, temper tantrums, bad mouthing the grand child’s mother, berating and belittling her own grand child, telling the children lies about what happened and what I have been doing bad since then. What causes a person to turn so evil against you when you have never done a single negative things towards or against them? But that’s a question for another day I guess.)
When your child of 3 calls you on the phone and out of no where says “mommy I want come you”, and you have to say, “I know baby, I want you too. I promise soon baby”, you will truely know what heartbroken really feels like. All the while, your 6 year old has to be secluded in their bedroom only to be able to be on her top bunk with no toys, no drink, no interactions with others, just to be able to talk to her. My child has no choice but to endure the harsh rules and discipline of these people, mostly the new woman in her life. She has been being spanked by this woman, and then told “What goes on in this house is to stay in this house” because she told me about it. Why would a person that is raising small children herself, tell a child to not tell her own mother something that has been being done to her? Call me stupid, but I am pretty sure if you have to tell the child not to say something, then you already know that you are dead wrong in doing it. But hey, I could be completely wrong.
As a mother, we are supposed to nurture, care, love, and teach our children. We are supposed to protect and watch out for them. One single bad decision has now made it where I have to watch as my children are brought up by tyrants and narcissists and there by never getting the individual love and attention that is needed to raise healthy and happy little girls. I sent them into an environment where lying to your mother is taught to be ok, talking to her is a punishment, that talking to her like she is a piece of crap is acceptable, but to tell her “no mommy” during a conversation gets this new person butting into the mix saying, “I’m sorry, but I’m not going to have you tell your mother “NO”. I jumped on my child’s side immediately telling her “hey you have no idea what we were talking about”. She gets louder saying “I won’t have her disrespecting an adult like that. I heard the whole thing and she was not playing, she was being serious and I ain’t gonna have that here”. Again, I told her “I know what she said, and I know my child. You teach my child to lie, but yesterday while I was on the phone, you spanked your son of 3 for lying, so you do your children, and I’ll do mine.”
At the visitation before this last one, I decided to surprise my girls and take them to one of the new trampoline places that just opened up in the area. My ex decided to use that day as an opportunity to save some money and let the new gf and her 3 kids go as well. Me being the person I am, I had no problems with that. As a matter of fact, I had invited him to do this in an earlier visit to the skating rink. But things did not go well at all. As soon as I walked into the door, this woman cuts through the marked out lines from the register towards me. Instantly, she starts telling me how much money I owe her for my children and my own tickets and socks. Then tries to address the issue of me saying something to her daughter while I was on the phone with mine. I butted in letting her know right off rip that No.1 I already paid for me and my children, that they are out luck on me giving them a dime, No. 2 I do have not and do not tell children to shut up. Not my style.” She gets mad, and says, “If you are going to keep interrupting me then we are going to have a problem”. I let her know real freaking quick like “that we were just gonna have a problem then, and that she had better keep her hands off my children. Period.” She ran through the people straight to the ex, where she immediately lied telling him I had threatened her. I laughed and, of course he got instantly on her side, trying to tell him that there was no threats made, only promises.
My sweet and outgoing baby girl is a prisoner in that environment. After each telephone call, they attack something good that has been between us in the conversations and destroy the purity of her childhood. They steal little bits an pieces everyday. I can hear her soul fading. They are breaking her down, one call at a time. Just like they do in the military during boot camp. I understand that all children need discipline. However, I feel that putting a child in time out or the corner or spanking them just because they are sensitive and cry at being frustrated or upset over not understanding how to unscramble a word and couldn’t is just going overboard and showing outsiders that you do not like that child and since she doesn’t do anything really to get in to real trouble you have to break down her sweetness somehow. Or maybe its just payback to her father for being so hard on her own children since she doesn’t have the courage to put her foot down on that subject?
Mark my words: I will fix this. I will get them out of there. I will get them the life they were meant to have. I will or I will die trying.