The Children, or the New Girl?
Divorce, in and of itself, puts and immeasurably tough strain on anyone, but especially on little kids They are too young to describe or tell you the way the situation makes them feel deep inside their tiny huge hearts. Or what they feel leading up to the big decision, but moreover, they can’t express just how much pain and hurt they have that the two people they are closest with, or love the most in the world, can’t just simply get along and love each other without all the fighting and arguing. For some children, their emotional scars come from being ripped away from the person they have identified with and that understood their emotional, educational, and physical needs and allowed them the individuality and sensitivity they deeply need to grow up emotionally healthy and happy.
Most children will adapt and learn the new tricks of the trade with now having 2 or more of everything. They will eat, sleep, grow, and continue to thrive beautifully as if it wasn’t just a major ordeal that busted their door to their house down and demolished it. Children are very versatile and often bounce back farely quickly. With both parents, grandparents, supporting family members, and friends all looking after them and guiding them through the rough patches, yes kids will be kids and be right back to their silliness in no time flat. However, the same child from the last scenario put into a different one, with less love, hardly seeing any of the one parent that was the primary in their life, the other parent constantly talking bad towards the primary, the supporting family members doing the same, rules change, people change, and all the while months treck by and no one notices that the sweet sensitive child has stopped playing with their favorite toys, stopped having imagination time, or that they don’t sleep and cry at night when they are all alone.
So consumed with rage and revenge, the narc will stop at nothing to single- handedly demolish any and all that are capable of loving her and taking everything she hold near and dear to the heart.
Time goes by, the one’s now closest to them think, “they are adjusting well”. All the while, they have withdrawing, changing, growing, learning, watching, and listening. The are starting to put things into perspective. Starting to realize the good and bad, the right and wrong, the truth and all the lies Their little emotions already on overload just from growing up in a normal environment, are forced into hyper drive. They want ever so much just to belong, be their best and to be loved by the ones they love the most. They learn how to “put on their happy” faces and go thru the motions to try and keep you happy with them, all the while their aura is fading, their souls dying, out of the pure longing they have for that one person that has been villianized by people who are incapable of ever truly loving anyone.
Almost a whole year of NO birthday party for themselves, but went to each one of his new girl friend’s kid’s parties. NO talk or pictures with Santa, but had to listen to the excited stories of theirs,. NO New Year’s celebration, they spent the night with a sitter. Sleeping on a crowded couch, new strict rules implemented, toys given away or sold, Strict restrictions on seeing their favorite person or talking to them. NO to having their favorite candy after dinner, to help prevent cavities in their mouths while not being shown how to brush at all. NO one-on-one time from anyone in a house of 5 younger children. NO special time. NO trinkets as a just because. NO EASTER Bunny or Egg Hunt, not even a Easter basket, just a non-candy bag and an empty promise of better next week.
Now, on top of all the things they have had to give up, a new low blow hit this last week pertaining to my “supervised” visit. Now, according to the new GF, I am not allowed to take my girls to any place you might have to pay to get into., such as the zoo or the aquarium. Places like McDonald’s, the park, and the beach are all OK, but the other places are causing my 6 year old to be confused as to if me and her daddy are getting back together. She even went so far as to text me from her own phone although she makes it a point to show her wanting wss for an altercation by >¿(“!??! ????”WTF???!) SO, back comes the asking permission, the being approved or denied, loss of control over my girls thanks to her father and this new DRILL SGT.
Do they even care how this decision that they are not even allowed to make will affect my girls? Of course they do, but the GF is jealous and the daddy is cheap, so it has to go since it’s concerning spending money with me, no matter who it’s for. For instance, yesterday I texted CO to see where and if a decision had been made on my visitgor that adternoon, and also if I was even being allowed to have it since Sunday was Easter and I have not got to see my girls on any holiday since June ’18. Very quick-like the over all conversation went from normal to confrontational, but that’ s normal. CO automatically jumps in saying that I have “never” been denied my visits and thathe is not going to be picking my spots but I’m still kot going to be allowed to take them to those places till June when I gry my first “unsupervised” day with my own kids.
PERSUANT TO our already ordered and onfile judgment: I am allowed to go into public with my children, a place of my own choosing as long as it is in public, I will choose from a list of 5 people that he Deems “SUITABLE enough to “baby-sit”. All set, right? Nope, I don’t have any such paper outlining 1 nevermind a list of 5! The crazy man isn’t even supposed to be where my girls would or could think that we were getting back together. He is “special” though. Having his new gf, the DRILL SGT, handle all his “ex-wife” areas for him is totally wrong, against the law, and against moral turpitude in my book. He had the audacity to tell me to act like an adult and things would be handled on her end. I quickly and very politely reminded him of her actions at the trampoline place just the time before last and how she was the instigator and liar and that I was not comfortable having her around me or my children with her acting like she did, and without any regard for her actions in public nonetheless.
“Why won’t you talk to mommy on the phone all of a sudden, Z?” “Cause I miss you mommy”, said my ‘lil diva. I believe that is one of the absolute most devastating and earth shattering and heart obliderating statements a child should never have to say to a parent, let alone a mother that is perfectly capabale and more than completely wanting her child. I am so devastated by all this, totally lost on how something like this could even hapen to me, and yet persuant to the Family Court of Florida, because I was arrested and he had money, this is my reality. One where not only do my children suffer heart ache from just wanting their mommy back, but they have to suffer sick as a dog with sores in your nose and get absolutely nothing but yelled and cussed at if you do as your mommy says and tell them you feel bad.
Just hold tight my butterfly princesses, Mommy is coming for you, I Promise!
“Have you heard the sound of an empty soul when it echoes?”jelly roll
Life really has thrown these three tiny ladies a curve ball. Narcissism is very common, but at the levels we have been exposed to is dangerous to any family dynamic, but had it continued, I do not want to even try and think of what would have happened. The events of that day have changed so many lives till its very hard for Me, K, or Z remeber what life was like before this, except we were very happy and very home….right where we will be again. It’s taken me almost a year to even get as close as I am today to this happening, however, companies like Volutions, Shopify, and Word Press have made it very possible that by the time the actual anniversatr gets here, we just might be living the dream! If not, that ok, cause we will atleast be dealing with a little less stress from the supervised portion will be completed in the worst parenting plan ever! Not to mention, CO and his DRILL SGT will be put in their place when it comes to them having the one thing that will destroy them. .. . . . . .Control!
My prayer today is that all those suffering , hurting, lonely and lost find a little peace and solice today. I pray that the suffering is dimished or completely removed. That people find what they seek and it be the best thing for them that was meant to be. I pray that any child enduring pain and sickness find the relief and healing that would enable them to smile from the soul! I pray that these words a way to shine some much needed healing and smiles on my girls, and that I am strong enough to embark on the upcoming adventures of Per Se family law. May each one of you reading theses words, see that there really are good people that get put in bad situations, and just made a horible choice and that does not make tem horrible people, in his name I prayt. Amen .Please feel free to share our story, our hashtag #3mkzs, and our love of butterfly princesses!