Like almost every woman I know that has ever been pregnant or had children around her, for any prolonged period of time, has definitely experienced the acute anxious feelings, the rushed and panicked feelings knowing you have about a bajillion things that need to be done, and so very very little time to do them in. Laundry, dinner, sweeping and mopping, getting the children’s homework and snacks ready, getting them bathed and ready for the next day, and of course, let’s not forget the grocery store and pharmacy trip.
Since things went so devastatingly crazy in my life last summer, my mind stays in this state, permanently. I am unsure of how to hone it in for good like I have seen many people do. Having ADHA does not help the situation either, but trying to focus for me is really like opening the flood gates of Gibraltar. I get where I cannot breathe, and have this knot that gets in the base of my throat and makes me cough all day long . I had not noticed just how intense it had been, even before that day. That is, up until last week when, out of the clear blue, things just became different. Different than what I had gotten used t0.
From all my astrology reports I am in some sort of life transit transformation. Either I will make it to love and abundance or I will be like the rest of my life has been thus far, dark and bleak. Lol, no really though, I have always been super in tune with my horoscope. I love being a Scorpio, all but the horrible love life and the constant bickering between some personality types. All three of the MKZ gangs are! Heck, even the ex was! Talk about your all-time statistically unheard of households, and everyone except my oldest is Left handed. Funny, but very true. I couldn’t make this stuff up, I mean look how far fetched most of what I have shared has been. lol
Sorry, back to the topic at hand, hey wait, that was the best example of just what being scrambled, scattered and smothered really is. Talking or doing something based on one type of subject matter, just to find your train of thought had derailed and you were now over in the fish department going, “wow that is a pretty color of blue
Only you times that feeling of “I’m such an idiot” by about a million for every single thought of an item on the “gotta get done list” , then housework, class, talking to the girls, trying to fit in the significant other, just to be shown and told they don’t know anymore whether they want more than friends that shack up or all the way alone. Shake in more of this woman hitting my kid, now just for telling me anything at all. Roll on a few more my Nana this and my Papa that, to be burnt to a crisp with the little one screaming “Shush-it No I don’t want to talk to you”. Now can you see how I get so frazzled when I gotta get this post done, try to fight with the new (way cheaper but not better only charge by the month) hosting platform, get a client’s website up and running, finish K’s book so that it can get off to the publishers, my pro se drafts and motions for contempt and modification ready for the clerk on Monday morning, eat, sleep , shower, and be ready for my visit with the loves of my life tomorrow afternoon! There’s more, lots more that are in desperate need of completion, and if I could somehow manage to pull it off, I just might start making some money!
Too many things to get done, not enough time in universe.