Some mommies and daddies get their heartstrings tear and tangled, and some of us get stuck, and some of us grow up in a love triangle. A Song lyric that brought me to my knees the very first time I heard it. It literally floored me! Why? Well, that particular day just happened to be the day before Easter, 2017. A day plagued with bad intentions, awful words, and heavy hands. This was the day my marriage broke up and me and my girls were kicked out with nowhere to go.
As of today, we have been divorced for 11 months. He has taken guardianship of our two daughters, ages 3 and 6. I am under a supervised visitation parenting plan and only receive 6 hours a month face time and 28 phone calls. Instead of him increasing the allowed time I have with the girls, he has continually taken away from it. My visits are supposed to be where I choose, but his gf has an issue with people who have money, thinking we are a couple out on a trip with the kids, therefore, I can only take my children to the park and McDonalds on my visits. My calls are now predetermined by his mother. I have to be available when she wants or thinks it is a good time to call. I have been able to go have lunch with K since the school year began, giving me an additional 30 min with her once a week, until last Thursday, when his mother decided that school lunch privileges do not constitute a “school activity” thereby cancelling the extra 30 minutes K had with me to herself.
My poor girls have been through enough. It has been long enough for everyone to see that I am not a drug addict and am very fit to have my children back on a regular basis the way it was before my mom drugged me. To prove that I was very serious when I told him that I would not allow him or his family to take anything else from me and my children, I went and filed for Contempt and a Modification to the Parenting/Timeshare Plan! I go tomorrow to get the packets together for the Sheriffs Department to serve him!
The feeling of relief I had while standing at the counter at the courthouse can’t be put into words. It was a feeling I don’t think I have ever felt, to be honest. The sound of relief and finally, belief in K’s voice was awesome too! She has had to handle so much stress and loss, and now punishment, just for wanting her mother back, and I will do WHATEVER it takes just to make sure that this year does not have too many horrible or lasting effects on my poor sensitive tiny girl. Z is going to need lots of counseling I am afraid, just to want to reconnect with me. She is the target of their Parental Alienation tactics, and they were pretty successful for the most part. She is quick to dodge the telephone or yell “No, shush it mommy” when I am trying to engage her into mine and K’s conversations. I know she loves me and wants me though. I can see it in her big blue eyes, but I can feel it in her hugs when we do get to see each other. Today, I heard it in her voice when I told her and K we had our court date!
If you have never experienced Parental Alienation, let’s hope it stays that way. If you have, please accept my deepest apologies and sympathies! It is not to be taken lightly when someone decides that you are of no importance, shows your children this by continually showing them they are inferior to you and then playing mind games with them to make them terrified of losing the one that is essentially mentally abusing them. They set out to destroy the love the children has for that parent, but do not realize that the children don’t actually stop loving the other parent or wanting them, they simply turn the pain inside and just accept their reality so that they stay safe, a defense mechanism.
The woman that my ex is with has gone to such lengths of trying to get K to not love me, that she actually took the hair bow out of her hair our last visitation and threw it into the Wal-Mart parking lot, telling her that she was never allowed to let me put another hair bow in her hair again, that if she did she would be spanked. Well, I gave her the opportunity to do just that on Monday. At K’s field trip, that I was graciously awarded my chaperon spot back, I brought some hair bows because I knew K would need her hair brushed and possibly put back up after swimming. When I went to show her the brush she became scared and kind of backed up from me with her hand up saying, “No Mommy, Drill Sgt said I am not allowed to let you put anything in my hair ever again! I will get into trouble. She said to tell you that you are not allowed and that I have enough hair bows to not send or put any more in my hair.” I was dumbfounded! I was immediately pissed, to be honest, but I simply brushed her beautiful hair and told her I would not be passing messages through her, that I would be sending the gf and the ex a text message outlining the improprieties their actions are causing. Of course, NO response other than the childish “stop harassing me” text the gf conjured up.
Hopefully the judge can shed some light into my dark and dismal world and enlighten the pure idiots on how they really are breaking the law with their antics and maybe, just maybe give me my girls back!
If you know anyone going through this situation, please tell them to seek help and counseling. Narcissism is bad enough to have support groups, and I recently learned that so is Parental Alienation Syndrome and I am currently seeking out a support group offered by Dr. Baker in another state. I will post any and all updates she may be able to provide!